As the saying goes: “jealousy is a bad fault”. It often reflects a lack of self-confidence and as a result, it can weaken relationships. However, there are several solutions to combat it and feel more peaceful on a daily basis. But how to do it ? We share some tips with you in our article.
Jealousy affects everyone: children, adolescents, adults, but also men and women. She doesn't make a distinction. As explained in our previous articles on emotions, it is essential to analyze and understand what made us feel it in order to learn how to overcome it.
What is jealousy?
Unlike anger and fear, jealousy is a secondary emotion. Jealousy is a mixture of several different emotions like anger, sadness, frustration, etc. This emotion often appears when we have thoughts and/or feelings of insecurity, fear and anxiety regarding the anticipated loss or not of a status, an object or an emotional bond of significant value. personal. Jealousy is linked to human relationships. Indeed, jealousy does not only occur in romantic relationships but also in friendly, filial or fraternal relationships. This emotion is found as soon as there is an attachment.
This emotion is complex and deceptive, we feel dismay in the face of it. However, the reaction depends on each individual, not everyone will react the same way. Jealousy tends to hide frustrations or unacknowledged desires. Of all the emotions, it's the one we try to hide the most. Indeed, jealousy is often poorly perceived by others, we feel judged and ashamed. However, she has a lot to teach us.
Jealousy can appear suddenly and brutally, the person then becomes beside themselves and no longer recognizes themselves.
Where does jealousy come from?
For Lacan, psychiatrist, jealousy is a necessary suffering because it allows us to escape from the fusion with the mother and to understand "that we are no longer alone", that there is another (for example: the arrival of a brother or sister). Each individual will experience it differently and will therefore react differently when confronted with it.
The sources of this emotion would therefore be ancient. Jealousy is a defense mechanism that aims to protect the person from hidden pain. Furthermore, the origins of this emotion are often multiple. However, the main source of jealousy would be linked to loss. When we are children, we form a “whole” with our mother. Gradually, “we” will become “I” so that the child can build himself. This stage is painful and generates anxiety. During this stage, the child will find support from outside people such as the father for example. However, if the child has not been able to benefit from this protective and reassuring support, he will have difficulty giving up his desires for possession.
How to appease your jealousy?
Different solutions exist to ease jealousy, but if it becomes too heavy in your life, do not hesitate to consult a psychologist or psychotherapist. If jealousy rhymes with suffering, it is important to get help.
Recognize your jealousy
The first thing to do is to recognize our jealousy and admit it. This way you can free yourself from the weight you are carrying. There is no shame in admitting jealousy since everyone has felt this emotion at least once in their life. This is the first step to being peaceful.
Identify the source of your jealousy
Then, it is interesting to go back to our childhood in order to find the source of our jealousy. You can also identify situations that make you jealous and ask yourself why you feel this emotion? It is important to understand that this emotion is not necessarily linked to the relationship but to something deeper, older. Understanding what creates jealousy at home can inform us about other issues.
Several methods exist to let go, mediation is one of them. Indeed, meditation allows you to refocus on yourself, to connect with your emotions and to feel peaceful. When you feel jealous, try to meditate or find a way to relax and reassure yourself. Remember that you are human and you can't control everything!
Jealousy can come from a lack of self-confidence. For example, in a romantic relationship, we feel like our partner could go with someone else “better.” Stop comparing yourself, every human being has their qualities and flaws, no one is perfect. Jealousy shows personal suffering, a lack of self-esteem, hence the importance of strengthening our self-confidence. So love yourself, that’s the key word.
We therefore cannot refuse to be jealous but we can refuse to let ourselves be destroyed by jealousy.