Death is part of the process of life. In some cultures, it is celebrated, for example in Mexico with the Day of the Dead, called “El dia de los muertos”. However, it remains a difficult ordeal to go through. We go through several emotions and stages that everyone experiences differently depending on their experience. But how can we overcome grief? Find out in this article.
What is mourning?
In 1917, the psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud introduced this notion of mourning. Then, the American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross identified the different stages of mourning. This ordeal provokes a multitude of emotions, sensations and upsets us. This is why we feel disoriented. The intensity will depend on the relationship with the person. Bereavement is therefore unique for everyone, there is no “typical bereavement”. Grieving takes time because the person must rebuild themselves, but one thing is certain, they will get there.
The establishment of an intrapsychic process that is at the same time behavioral, cognitive and sociocultural in the face of the definitive loss of a person (death), of a situation (romantic breakup, divorce, employment, etc.) or even of a object.
Stages of grief
As explained previously, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross identified 5 stages in the grieving process: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. These stages can be experienced in a different order, they can occur several times and last more or less long. You understand, it’s different for each person.
The person refuses to believe it, they reject the information which leads to a dispute. She will put in place defense mechanisms to protect herself. During this stage, the person may also feel a deep sense of injustice: “why is this happening to me? It is not possible ! ". If you want to help a loved one, a friend who is going through this stage, the most important thing is to listen to them and not rush them by going against their denial.
This is the stage where the person faces death. Anger will then be expressed and can be directed against the deceased person, against oneself or even against other people. During this stage, the person will need to smell and touch clothes and objects that belonged to the deceased loved one. Through these actions, we seek to perpetuate the relationship.
After anger, comes the bargaining stage. This is when the person attempts to negotiate to get the lost person back. For example: “If I do this, she will come back.” She finds the situation unfair and believes that something can fix the situation. She simply seeks to avoid suffering.
The person finds himself in a state of depression, of deep sadness because he understands that the relationship is definitively broken. The pain can reach its peak with a very present feeling of loneliness. During this stage, emotions are very intense. However, this step is essential in the grieving process. It is important to express your feelings and your needs in order to better accept them.
This is the last stage of the grieving process. The pain does not disappear but we begin to tame it, to know how to live with it. During this stage, the person manages to project themselves into the future and to be in the present moment. The person accepts the loss of a loved one and manages to resume a “normal” life.
How to get through grief?
Several solutions exist to help us get through this ordeal more calmly and to better manage our different emotions.
- Ask for help and support from a loved one, a professional (psychologist, hypnotherapist, etc.) who can listen to you without judging your feelings.
- Accept your emotions, allow yourself to feel them. Isolating yourself and not wanting to go out is part of the grieving process, so it’s normal.
- Take time for yourself, do activities that make you feel good. And above all, don't feel guilty about doing it because it's important to continue to take care of yourself.
- Take Bach Flowers: they help to harmonize a negative emotional state and balance it with its positive side.
Balancing your emotions with Bach Flowers
Several natural solutions exist to overcome grief, including Bach Flowers. Discovered in the 1930s by an English homeopath, Doctor Bach, these flowers have a higher vibrational state than other plants to respond favorably to difficult emotions.
Bach Flower No. 29 - Star of Bethlehem
This white flower with six symmetrical petals symbolizes appeasement, comfort or even consolation. It allows us to come and provide us with help and support when we are grieving, after a separation or when we are facing an emotional shock. In the case of great distress, this flower will allow us to refocus, to find calm, balance, to accept the comfort and consolation of others and to overcome this difficult ordeal. Thanks to this Bach Flower, you will be able to find peace and light in the darkest moments.